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Monday, December 6th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:11:43 pm.
Yes!
It's finally completed.
lolx..


Alright.
Time to say goodbye to lj..
Yupx this will probably be my last time blogging here.



You're always welcome to check out my new blog, which is more or less completed.

Go check it out at http://crueldestiny.diaryland.com.

Saturday, December 4th, 2004

2 my angel of death the dark messenger

Time:11:50 pm.
Oh My Gosh..

Hahax.. got this from Liz's blog and i can't believe how remarkably true it is!


For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Alex has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Alex fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Alex has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Alex seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Alex seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.

Alex is having a lack of physical energy at the time this handwriting was written. If someone has very short and straight down lower loops (like in the y or g), this indicates this person's physical drive (activity or sex) is compromised. Usually, this indicates the person simply isn't interested in getting too physical right now. This could be a temporary mood which often happens when the body is sick and is healing. Or, this could be a result of an emotional or physical issue that is effecting Alex 's energy level and interest in sex. Sex doesn't seem to be a priority at the moment.

Alex is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Alex basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Because Alex has zigzag'ed shaped 'm' and 'n' hump, Alex is an analytical thinker. Her mind sifts and examines facts. She interprets all facts by separating them, breaking them down, and organizing them from a critical point of view. This pattern of clarifying facts contributes to her strong reasoning ability. Alex's mind is constantly analyzing all situations that she encounters.

Alex will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

Alex uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Alex does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. Alex will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. Alex is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Alex doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.


Wow.
That's quite amazing.
Freaky, even.
I never imagined an analysis of one's handwriting could reflect his/her personality with such immense accuracy.

Saturday, November 27th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:2:53 am.
When will i be able to make the right decision..

This is the worst feeling i've ever experienced.

Damn.

Saturday, November 20th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:2:55 am.
the Os are over.
went seoul garden to celebrate.
just like last year.
lol.
yay.
sylvester got into the finals.
yay.
what's the plan for the week?
haha

tmr. rebond my hair. shop. shop. see my darling sylvester. haha.
sun. shop for prom dress with hippo, shark and armstrong.
mon to weds. class chalet!!
weds. what do we have to return to sch for?
thurs. hmm. dunno. shop for more prom stuff. catch a movie.. shutter perhaps.
friday. prom!
sat.... going on holiday. byeee.




i'm... happy for you.
some things are best kept simple.
never told anyone.
not even myself.
maybe it's too late?

but. i can't deny it anymore.

maybe. you'll never know.

Monday, November 15th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:12:26 am.
Hold on for five more days.
five more days...
feels like forever.
forever..
forever...

i am mentally exhausted.
i have no motivation.



ni yao wo shuo duo nan kan
wo gen ben bu xiang fen kai
wei shen me hai yao wo yong wei xiao lai dai guo

wo mei you zhe zhong tian fen
bao rong ni ye jie shou ta
bu yong dan xin de tai duo
wo hui yi zhi hao hao guo


JESSSSS!
You have no idea how much i miss you.

did you have to leave without saying goodbye?
when are you coming back?
will you be back in time for christmas?
you know how bored i am without you and your stupid comments?
Jess, are you listening to me!?

obviously you aren't.
or i wouldn't be typing this here.


i'm sorry if i treated you like crap in the past.

Monday, November 1st, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:5:42 pm.
There are sufficient distractions, thank you very much.
Anywayz, left half my food uneaten after meeting the SPORE IDOLS!!

Cool..
Me, xianhui, ah jie, ah oi, hectare, lee and peilin were erm..
thrilled?
ok, understatement.

Wellx,
All i can say is Taufik is really super friendly..
so are the rest!
he talked to us about our Os and stuff..
Hahhx..
Then Olinda was like " Relax! Calm down!.."
and she was like putting her hands on my shoulders and shaking me.
Ahhx.. paiseh sia. all steph's fault.

Leandra was being so lame..
i asked for her autograph.
then she asked for my name..
then she was like " leandra.. alexandria.. cool, sounds the same.. as in the drea thingy.."

so embarrasing..
later i asked Olinda " Where's Sylvester?"
Then she replied "dunno.."

AHhah, but me being smart and all ( ok fine, credit goes to steph and sandy as well),
we figured he would be somewhere around, and sure enough.

steph and i ran all the way to Macs, acting like lunatics.
hectare, ah jie and everyone else came too..


OH My Gosh.
He was gorgeous in real life!!
But really skinny..
fine fine, so my type. hahax. whatever.
Daphny was there too.
ehhz.. she's surprisingly short.
shorter than me!
but she's pretty.. quite la.
and she's really nice.

K, so Sylvester was about to enter Macs when we ran after him then..
i went like " Sylvester!!"
and..
He turned around!!
Ahh.. then he looked at me and i was so damn paiseh.
Then we asked for a photograph..

AND...
hahaha..
i bet steph, ah huai and everyone else was sooo jealous cuz he put his arm around me!!
hahahaha..
too bad you'll wanna siam the other side right.
ahahahahax.
i wanna buy his perfume..
lolz.

SYLVESTER ROCKS!
He looks so good in person. Sighz...
I just felt like melting when he looked at me( probably thinking i'm a raving lunatic)..


Yay! got all their autographs!




ok, ok.
concentrate on ss.

Monday, October 25th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:5:11 pm.
Happy Bday Monster..
HAppy Bday Sarah..
Happy Bday Dad..
argh.


Really haven't been buying prezzies for the ppl i ought to have bought.
Really really owe you'll something after the Os yea?

ToMorroW is the physics prac.
SIghz.
Pracs are really driving me nuts.
Three consecutive days of prac, that is.
And no, i have not.. and not really intending to( tonight at least)..
touch my instru at all.
Doomed.
And bio prac on thurs.
Please please don't make something we are not prepared for come out.



Surprisingly quick?
Well, maybe.
Experience yea.. sort of like. getting u.s.e.d. to it.
Don't blame me for being ambiguous.

tsk.
Good luck, sec 4s.

Thursday, October 21st, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:3:22 pm.
Chem prac was.. ..
erm.. how shall i put it?
It was a disaster.


I was sooo devastated when i flipped to the periodic table to find that the element with Mr 20 was Neon.. .. ..
Wanted to manipulate the results but decided against it partly due to time constraints.
I don't think i would have done it anyway.
Majority of the class put Sodium as the answer, including me..
But i guess the chances of it being right are highly unlikely.

What a way to start the Os..
i feel miserable.

Oh but there is one thing to be happy about.
For the first time in my life..
the very very first time..
My glowing splint relighted in the presence of oxygen!
All the pain and anguish i went through..
Whenever my darling splint refused to relight during the past practicals..



Anyway, i can't believe they locked us up for four whole hours.
And i think the whole "buddy" thingy is rather lame..
In fact, i don't think anyone's doing it except me and Sarah.
But ultimately she's a great motivator.
Really feel motivated to study when she's around ( don't tell her that or she'll get egoistic).

Had a good laugh about the whole "sneaky" business..
Hahax..
But no one would understand the joke except us. Oops..

Lexis played "my happy ending"...
Manx.. i love that song. ( so does he.. haha.)
She made me feel like some pathetic depressed soul when i asked her to play "welcome to my life".
Hey i just like the tune.. ( although the lyrics are highly relevant to.. whatever. i sound stupid.)


I have not even touched the S.S. book since the beginning of the prelims!
Indeed, it was a stupid mistake to study "growth of nations".


I could NOT even sleep last night..
thanks a lot.



Her clothes were drenched in blood.

Tuesday, October 19th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:10:08 pm.
WOoHOoo!
Oh yea.. i've officially gone crazy.
Hey you're right about the unpredictable mood thingy.
My mood has obviously been fluctuating throughout the dayy.

This comp has gone BERSERK.
argh..
No way.. eight hours plus left.
I that how long you take to download a series of Naruto episodes.
What so great about the lousy anime anyway..
well except Sasuke, of course. =)

Spent an entire day slacking around with Jess and the rest.
Jess proves as a sufficient diversion..
And an ample distraction..
But guilt overcomes me for treating him as a mere substitute..
As a key to letting go of the past.
As motivation to anticipate the future.
As a distraction from the cruelty of reality.


But he has proven himself worthy of it..
Just hope he didn't get deaf listening to me screaming verse after verse of this song.








Recently I've been,
Hopefully reaching
Out for this girl,
She's out of this world.
Believe me.

She's got a boyfriend
He drives me round the bend
'Cos he's 33,
He's in the marines,
He'd kill me.

It's been so many nights now
I find myself thinking about her now.

'Cause obviously,
She's out of my league
I'm hopin' and wishin'
She's draggin' me in and now
I know I never will be good enough for her.

No, no
Never will be good enough for her.

Gotta escape now
Get on a plane now. yeah
Off to LA, that's where i'll stay
For 2 years

I'll put it behind me
Go to a place where she cant find me. yeah.

'Cause obviously,
She's out of my league,
I'm wastin' my time
'Cause she'll never be mine
I know i never will be good enough for her.
No, no
Never will be good enough for her

It's outta my hands
I'll never know where I stand
I know I'm not good enough for her
He's good enough for her

'Cause obviously,
She's out of my league,
I'm wastin' my time
'Cause she'll never be mine
I know i never will be good enough for her.
No, no
Never will be good enough for her

'Cause obviously,
She's out of my league,
I'm wastin' my time
'Cause she'll never be mine
I know i never will be good enough for her.
No, no
Never will be good enough for her

'Cause obviously,
She's out of my league,
I'm wastin' my time
'Cause she'll never be mine
I know i never will be good enough for her.
No, no
Never will be good enough for her

No, no
I never will be good enough for her.


They ended up singing along..
Hahax.
Hmm.. evidence of insanity?
Or maybe just..
withdrawal symptoms.

Monday, October 18th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:11:33 pm.
Oh yay.
Jess just made my day. lolz.

It's nice to be straight.
Imagine if he finds out, he probably won't speak to me for the rest of his life.. knowing him.

It's nice to return after silent tears..
to find someone who really makes you smile.

Saturday, October 16th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:9:29 pm.
I'd say vj and nj are worlds apart.
Nothing, in my opinion, could be more different than the atmosphere in these two jcs.

And i'm still lost and confused. =(


Wellx, walked all the way to vj with steph, hectare and cracker.
Haven't been on the connector for quite a while now..
I actually felt tired just walking there.
Well.. maybe just gross and sweaty la..
Damn hot.

Vj people are friendly, amiable, approachable..
maybe even overly sociable.. hey but that's a complement yea?
At the moment you step in, they start shaking your hands, smiling and yep i guess they do make you feel welcome.
That makes me even more uncertain abt going there..
Me being anti-social and all, don't think i'll fit in.

Checked out the badminton, netball, sailing etc..
These ccas were rather cool.. lolz.
One disadvantage of going there is i'll probably have to join band again.
And, i simply refuse to let another world of sadness, regret and torture dominate my jc life.
I'm just so afraid that i'll have to appeal to get in.
You never know.. our year being competitive beyond words, getting single-digit l1r5 might even prove to be extremely risky.

Wandered around for a bit.
Oh yea.. i'd just like to say that vj has a population of relatively good-looking people, not that it matters of course.. =)
In my opinion, they're ranked before nj, and Meridian after nj..
no offense of course to mj ppl.
So far i've only been to these 3 open houses.
I didn't even consider going to tjc's open house.
And i completely agree with Yenn Weii on the reasons pertaining to that. =)

steph went to audition for choir so xianhui, jas, liling and i took a cab to nj first.
Njc's facilities are slightly better than vj's.
'cher told me that their only niche ccas were air rifle, canoeing and choir though.
met tivoli and nana there.. with the other netballers.
I searched high and low for 'cher and tivoli helped me ask this irritating guy about 'cher's whereabouts..
and he kept enquiring about how i knew her and was only satisfied after i said.. " I'm her student."

Like whatever.
'cher finally came to find me, lost at the tennis court.
She insisted i audition for softball but i was too paiseh to try out.
But she was right when she said the team consisted of amateurs.
From what i saw.. they were quite a bunch of inexperienced players, who according to 'cher, had to be taught from scratch.
But i seriously don't mind joining, since 'cher's willing to recruit me if i make it to nj.

However, i'm beggining to have second thoughts about going to njc for first three months.
If tivoli can't make it, there's no way i'm going on my own.
and if she's trying for sajc.. i seriously don't mind going there.. cuz from what xianhui told me, it's a nice place.
but dunno whether xianhui can be trusted or not lahz.. hahax.
Oh.. nana just told me that they'll most prob be going to vj..
but if they're appealing through netball, that'll mean they have to stay on after that.

My dad just expressed his extreme disapproval of me going to any other jc besides the top 5 jcs.


Yupz.. anywayz, went to orchard with xianhui and jas after that.
took neos and went kino, wasted twenty bucks on a gundam seed book.
slept while standing on the train..
felt guilty, bought coffee and tried to mug from 4 onwards but fell asleep and woke up at 7.

shall brew another cup of coffee and study late tonite.

sweet dreams.

Friday, October 15th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:9:47 pm.
Boohoo.
Today was our last last official school day.
Suddenly it all occurred to me how it was the last day..
the last day we'll get to step into our classroom.
the last day we have lessons as a class.
the last day in our four years we have operation cleanup.

Seriously felt like crying during chinese..
I dunno why leh..
It's just so sadd.. =(

Wonder if I'll get to see everyone next year or ever again..









wo hui xue hui fang qi ni
shi ying wei wo tai ai ni.

Thursday, October 14th, 2004

2 my angel of death the dark messenger

Time:4:24 pm.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
but no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desparate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and their stupid lies
Well deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
But no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Monday, October 11th, 2004

1 my angel of death the dark messenger

Time:10:52 pm.
Four hours of intensive tuition.
Reached home at ten.. i'm mentally exhausted and refuse to do mugging of any sort tonight.
Yes.. finally. She's gone for good.. as in my chinese tuition teacher.
Rejoice! I bet hippo's getting jealous that i finally got rid of her.
I sound so mean. Well, let me explain.
She comes at my house, opens my assessment books, marks them. Gives me tingxie straight from the shou che. and i mean the main word.. no gou chi no da pei.. nothing! Just the stupid word itself. I might as well study on my own right? Then she plonks an exercise book in front of me and demands that i start copying zao ju straight from the shou che.. again!
Tell me.. if that's not a waste of my time, then what is?
I can probably accomplish much more by studying on my own.
The worst part is she doesn't even explain the words to me..
And when i happen not to know that this particular word even existed.. she becomes astonished.
Yes i know i'm dumb but she doesn't have to rub it in!

Yupz. Went for a maths tuition.
Did i mention that my tutor's teaching at nj?
She forced me to go for the open house this saturday..
Well.. guess i'll go anyway.
Actually, i'm really torn between vj and nj..
that is, if i can even make it to one of these jcs.
If not, maybe acjc, sajc.. dunno leh.
Haiz.
If i can make it to a jc that is..

Yea.. and since she's in charge of softball..
She actually asked me to join if i got into nj..
HAHAHAHA! Isn't that hilarious? softball!! Lolz.
Well.. anything is better than the cca labelled as a "gross waste of time", also know as Band. -sniggers in distaste-
* gets hit by rotten eggs thrown by band supporters*
OHHH... my most sincere apologies darlinggs.
I'd consider if i can even play the game in the first place.
If i can even catch the ball! hahaha..

Oh well.
Lokeyeo talked to us again today.
She said that the general feedback from the teachers was that we were more focused.
Wow.
Felt a slight sense of relief when she announced that there was moderation.
Rather ok with my results now... i guess.


english 82 a1
e maths 76 a1
combined humans 76 a1
biology 75 a1
chemistry 71 a2
chinese - a2
a maths 69 b3
physics 68 b3
higher chinese 60 b4
mep 57 c5


total L1R5 8

My dad was not satisfied as usual.
Whatever..
Even if i get 6 pts he'd never be happy.

Oh well.
Just hope i'd be able to get into a jc at least for the first 3 months.


Back to Bio..
NiteZ.

Sunday, October 10th, 2004

1 my angel of death the dark messenger

Time:8:30 pm.
I found my confirmation slip!!!
Learnt my lesson and made five copies..
So the exams end before 20 Nov.
That's so.. long.
You have absolutely no idea about the list of things i'm planning to do after the Os.
Sheesh.. why am i even THINKING about post-exam activities.
I just want to play my FF!

Got my new specs today cuz my old one was erm.. bent.
There are.. maybe a couple of advantages about being around guys.
Firstly, i don't think and worry as much as when i'm with my frens.
* thinks mugging and gets stressed out*
They're a hell lot more easier to talk to.

Yes.
In fact, i'm actually relieved to be with my bros and tenants during the weekends.
of course, with the exception of my father. -scowls-

Thursday, October 7th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:9:08 pm.
Posted a realy long entry but for some reason it dint appear..
Oh weLL.


Sylvester is cuteeee! =)
Yay.. i hope he stays in.
EEw.. i dun like christopher
hahaX.


The unsightly blueblack mark on my left knee shows no sign of disappearing for quite a while. ( so does the scar inflicted exactly two months ago)..
would you like to know how that came about? (as in the blueblack)

haha.






MOderation is the issue now, but i'm not betting on it.


My results speak for themselves.



english a1
combined humans a2
chinese (does tt count?) a2
chemistry b3
biology b3
e maths b3
physics b4
higher chinese b4
a maths c5
mep c5


total L1R5 14


* stares disgustedly at results*


God, please let there be moderation.

Saturday, October 2nd, 2004

3 my angel of death the dark messenger

Time:12:26 am.
I suppose reminiscing is something i do more than often.
I hate flashbacks.
They remind me of unresolved issues and opportunities i knew i should have grasped.
Perhaps it's my lack of confidence, and the inability to excel in eveything i actually attempt.

My point..

Over the past 5 days.
The prelim results of three out of nine subjects have been released.
And out of these three, not one.. Yes, not single one have i gotten an A.
Chinese, mep, e maths..
Fine, maybe i'm in no position to complain for the previous two, taking into consideration that i only started studying a DAY before.
Seriously, which person actually mugs a DAY before the prelims?
I guess i deserved it.
Chinese is inevitably one of my worst subjects, and mep..
I am definitely not musically inclined.
I see no point in taking mep as music has got nothing to do with my future.
Come to think of it, why am i wasting my time?

I have thus concluded that taking higher chinese and mep are nothing but a waste of my time.
What's the point of taking these two extra subjects for the Os when it's practically impossible to get an A1. (well, for me at least.)
And.. my e maths results are more than unsatisfactory.
Just look at the results of my classmates, 4/2 and 4/3.
Practically three-quarters of every triple science class have managed to achieve an A1 for e maths.

Why am i in 4/1 in the first place?
I don't deserve to be in this class.
It was just by that stroke of luck that i barely managed to get into this class.
And everything right now is proving my point.

I can't keep making the same mistake over and over again.
What exactly went wrong?



Sometimes, i really wish that i could be like Steph, Bernice, Oifong, Sarah etc.
In short, straight A students.
I don't know f they'll be reading this..
siGhZ.
If only i were smart.









Enough about that.
My ear is bleeding.
Geh just walked down the row today and ahem.. insisted that i contribute to her pathetic collection of earrings.
Well, maybe not so pathetic after all.
GOsh.. i swear she has no sympathy.
OUch. It HUrts lo.

Went for the vjc talk today.
The point they were continually emphasizing was that..
The school was a 10 minute walk to the East Coast ( as if i didn't already know that)
And subject combinations etc.
Vjc is a nice school, i have to admit.
HOwever, it was out of pure curiosity that i attended the talk.
Hmm.. initially wanted to go there.
THat was during Sec 2.. when the seniors were like saying it's the best jc etc.

NOw, all i really wish for is to be able to get into Njc.
Hopefully, i'd be able to see my primary sch friends there.


haHA. I've been drinking coffee.
yuPz.. the time now is 1.20 am.
i have tuition in.. 6 hours time!

Yes. I Am PLanning to mug til then since i am, obviously, suffering from insomnia again.

Wednesday, September 8th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:8:04 pm.
HASH(0x886fc70)
You're Kira!


Gundam Seed Character Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla





..
that doesn't really sound like me..













two more days..
somehow, i don't feel as if i'm studying as hard as i should.
while a lot of my dearest classmates have already finished studying, i've not even started on bio.
oh wellx.


i hope we'll be able to pull through this together..


i haven't been doing anything but eating and eating..
i feel like a pig.
and as for my time management skills, or should i say lack of..
i don't know what the heck i'm doing.
i spend the whole day doing what i don't even remember.. only realising that i have to stay up til 3 am, which doesn't make a difference due to the unconducive environment contributed by my dearest brothers and tenants..

talk about jumping floors and breaking legs.
impressive and courageous huh..
will try after the Os.



i AM currently..
suffering from insomnia.

i'm disgusted at myself.
how utterly embarrassing.
i am capable of not relying on others..
or at least, i'll try to prove you wrong.

Tuesday, September 7th, 2004

the dark messenger

Time:3:14 pm.
i want to...


cut my hair...........


=(

the dark messenger

Time:3:09 pm.
just typed a long entry but deleted it immediately.







that would have been my true thoughts and feelings..










i'm really immune to it already.
there's no point.
unlike you, i'm weak...
i can't stand the pressure.
i can't face my fears.
so what would be the best thing to do?

stay away. don't get involved. and your feelings won't be hurt.
i told you it's not worth it.




why should i let myself fall in love with anyone?
it's a pure waste of time.

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